Almost exactly two hours back, I was having an SMS conversation with a colleague (I can say that now! Woohoo!) called Sushmitaa (Yes 2 As, and don't ask questions you already know the answer to..) and talk veered, as is inevitably does when you're talking to me, to food.
It then struck me that I should really put up a blog post here explaining what I feel about food. Yes, that's right, you read right what I wrote. (hehehe, I'm attempting A.C-style stuff here). I have feelings about food. As in, I love it.
No no, I don't just love eating food - I actually love food. When I'm having a meal, which is really often, like 5 times a day, and I encounter some thingy that I don't particularly like, I eat it anyway. Why?
Well, my theory is that food also has feelings. The scientists of the world are all morons with twisted priorities. My salutations to all the IIT people who end up doing Food Technology. I'd happily trade degrees with you!
Anyways, coming back to my point, I basically theorized that food has feelings. Therefore, it must feel bad when we reject it after putting it on our plates. You don't raise hopes like that, and then recklessly dash them to the ground. NO, that's just not done, okay? So I do my bit towards the emancipation of not-so-good food that's already been selected, and eat everything on my plate. Hell, I practically wash my plate. Waste not, want not :)
I'm actually going to draw an analogy from my own life. Only *I* [no, actually, a few others too] know how it felt when a company tells you, "hey pal, come on board, enjoy yourself" and then just when you're about to set foot on the drawbridge, they yank it up and go "Neener neener". I just don't want anybody else, human or otherwise, going through that in their lifetimes in whatever form. [Actually, there's another analogy from my own life, but I'll be damned if I'm going to bring *that* one up :-p]
So you see people, I love food. Sometimes people love people, I love food. And what makes this better is that even food that you've been having for a long time never loses its zing. Food doesn't make fun of your paunch. Food doesn't pester you to go on a diet. Food doesn't stand you up. Food doesn't put nakhra. You don't have to wonder what a particular foodstuff tastes like, or what aftertaste it leaves, you can delve right into action and sample it. And pass judgement without feeling guilty. Food doesn't BSOD on you. Food doesn't segfault. Food doesn't crash. Needs no drivers. Very few, if any, dependency issues. Food doesn't deride you for being a klutz with it. You can be with food for a really long time, say nothing, and still turn out totally satisfied. Food can't break up with you, it can't ditch you, dump you, break your heart, screw with your head. Food can't pee on your legs. Food doesn't leave hair on the sofa. Food doesn't leave the toilet seat up, neither does it forget to flush.
And most importantly, food doesn't eat up your time by writing long, meandering blog posts about human beings.
Update: I forgot to mention that I'm writing a book about my love for food! Hurry up and book your copy today!